001: Welcome to Sex Positive Families!

{Soft Instrumental music plays as introduction} 

{Person speaking} 

Welcome to Sex Positive Families where parents, caring adults, and advocates come to grow and learn about sexual health in a supportive community. I’m your host, and the founder of SPF, Melissa Carnagey. Join me, and special guests, as we dive into the art of sex positive parenting. Together, we will shake the shame and trash the taboos to strengthen sexual health talks with the children in our lives. Thank you so much for joining us! 

{Same person speaking} 

Hey Families, it’s Melissa Carnagey with Sex Positive Families, and I am excited because this is the introductory episode of the podcast. We are transforming the platform and bringing information, knowledge, strategies, perspectives, and sex positivity in parenting, straight to your ears. Thank you so much for tuning in. 

This introductory episode is going to be all about calibrating all of us. Who am I, how did Sex Positive Families get it’s start, what is sex positivity and how does it relate to parenting and children, some topics that we’re going to be covering this season, and lastly some shout-outs because nothing is done truly alone. There are a lot of folx that have been along this path with me in these last six months and have contributed to the success of Sex Positive Families, so I want to shine light on them. 

First, who am I? I am a licensed social worker in the state of Texas. I have been working in the field of sexual health for the last ten years. I’ve had positions in direct services, so in case management, and then in program management and then I transitioned to macro level, so working for the state government as a consultant in the realm of HIV, STD and sexual health. 

In 2017 I received my certification as a life coach. My focus is on parent empowerment coaching. I was able to tie these two pieces together of sexual health 

and of parenting and coaching. That’s really kind of the foundation and focus of Sex Positive Families and the services that we offer. 

But the biggest role that I have and the most relevant and my real “why” is in my role as a parent. I am a parent to three children: I have an eighteen year old daughter who is a freshman in college, an eight year old son, and then a four year old “bonus” son with my partner, Ryan. So our family is rich, when it comes to the love and the support and the levels of communication that we share between us. 

We use a lot of strategies regularly with all three of our children that really speak to ensuring that they have the knowledge, the autonomy and the confidence to approach their sexual health in their bodies, their relationships with others. All of those things are discussed as they continue to develop. In age appropriate ways, we are approaching these different topics with all of them because we want them to be fierce, we want them to be empowered, we want them as emerging adults to have wonderful sex lives and not to experience some of the things that I know I’ve experienced, and that many of you all listening have experienced as well. 

As you know we all have our sexual health journeys and we can kind of think back and point to: Where did we first learn about sex? Where did we first get those messages about our bodies and whether they were worthy enough? This is what we seek to do in being parents in sex positivity is create another story, a more empowered experience, and a more informed experience for our next generation. 

So, again I’m so excited that you all are joining me in this, and that you are looking for the unique perspectives of the guests that I will bring on to this show. There are so many different angles to sexual health and to sex positivity, and the different ways that folx are living their lives in honor of these missions and goals. 

I believe that parents and caring adults are the number one influencers in children’s lives. We can’t rely on our school systems, like it or not. Our school systems, especially in America, are very flawed and in terms of providing sex education there are so many inconsistencies across the United States. Big chunks of information, especially as it relates to pleasure, are left out of the discussion when it comes to sex ed and sexual health. So we can’t rely on our schools to give all of the information that’s going to prepare our children to have healthy sex lives and healthy futures when it comes to their bodies. 

That puts a lot of responsibility on us and that’s good news though because we have the highest influence and we spend some real pivotal times with our children. And 

the goal is that we create homes of safety and of honesty, so when there is that curiosity that they have when something comes in their path that has to do with sexuality or sex that they’ll feel safe enough to ask us those questions and not be shamed, not have it be a big secret or taboo because those are those things that ultimately inhibit them and could potentially impact their safety. We have a big job and again the goal of Sex Positive Families is to empower parents and to help parents feel confident and competent when approaching these discussions. 

SPF got its start six months ago, and it was my transition from my nine to five. I was feeling boxed in, like I have more creative energy, and more to my story, then all that I had worked toward. I was reaching certain levels of success, but it wasn’t fully fulfilling me. It wasn’t feeling like a good fit, which was an identity shaker because of course I worked so hard for my social work degree and the path that I had walked up to that point, but I had to listen to my gut. So I took a big risk. I took a chance. I quit my job, and I thankfully have a very strong support in my partner Ryan and with our children. 

It wasn’t but a week after leaving my position that the light bulb went off in a conversation with a colleague and I really was like “I want to help work with parents. I want to help them realize the influence they have when it comes to providing sexual health knowledge and support to their children.” 

The very next day I started researching, well what does this look like, and what other companies or businesses or services are out there doing this? That’s where it really all began and it has not stopped since. A lot of the work so far has been on social media across our platforms, and so we’ve been building an audience of followers and of families, and of like minded folx, and even folx that are intrigued and interested and want to learn, from across the world, literally across the world. I feel so honored, and so grateful to be walking this path with so many of you, and knowing that there are so many more to come, because you all are sharing the information and the word about SPF, so the reach is just expanding. 

Let’s talk a little bit about what sex positivity is and how it relates to parenting and children. When we talk about sex positivity, really it’s about embracing sexuality. Sex is natural, its a natural part of the human experience. But definitely in our American culture, it can be much more limiting, much more taboo, much more sex negative. And so that can be really confusing if this is what you’ve grown up around and you’ve had these kinds of limits and certain schemas set up a certain w犀利士
ay that support that more “sex negative” and closed off approach. But sex positivity, it promotes consent, and 

pleasure, and body positivity, and honest, comprehensive sex education, as well as inclusivity. It’s not about marginalizing, or limiting, or taboo or shame. It doesn’t make moral distinctions between things like sexual orientation, or gender identity, or something like masturbation. It’s about tolerance and empowerment. 

This is the definition of sex positivity that our work is based on, but I’m definitely going to, as we move through this podcast and meet a lot of really interesting folx and advocates and families, I’m really going to ask what is your definition of sex positivity, and how is it playing out in your life? Because it can mean so many different things. But it is really about an openness, and an acceptance of sexuality as it is naturally, and with consent of course. 

So how does it relate to children and families? Well, like I mentioned, our school system is not reliable when it comes to providing comprehensive sex education and sexual health information so parents and families are number one influencers. That’s another thing that when we talk about families here we’re not speaking of one type of family or an example a nuclear family or anything like that. Family is really defined by you, the individual, and that can be through blood bonds, that can be through folx that you have a shared connection or shared commitment with, regardless of blood. So just know that when we say families there’s not one way that families look. It’s not about Mom and Dad and two kids, if it is for you great, but that’s not the whole story as far as our audience goes and we love that level of diversity. 

As caretakers and caring adults we have to be armed with knowledge and with confidence. Knowing the effort that we want to put into connecting with the children in our lives that we are seeking to influence having a sex positive approach, allows us to have deep conversations that start early in age-appropriate, age congruent ways that share a message about sexual health and positivity. So from infancy we’re trying to establish trust, an attachment going all the way through to the teen years where there’s a craving for independence. 

What are our everyday strategies that we can use to support our children’s sexual health, and many of these things do not even relate directly to sex? The important thing that we want to remember is that talking with our children creates the bonds that prepare them for sexual health and can prevent some adverse outcomes. You want to be the person that your child confides in or asks those burning questions. There are real communication strategies that sex positive parents can use to lay the foundation and walk confidently through the parts of parenthood, no matter the topic- no taboos, no shame, just honest and loving support. What Sex Positive Families seeks to do is to bring those strategies to the fore front and share them and challenge all of us as parents on this journey. Teaching us what can we be doing more for our children to give them a different experience, a more empowering experience than we may have had in our lives. 

In the podcast we are going to be using some different formats so sometimes I’m going to be interviewing folx, sometimes I’m going to be doing some solo episodes and addressing some topics such as sexual health from a professional sex educator perspective. I’m going to also do some Q and A type questions that you submit, those will usually be shorter episodes but I will take time to answer those questions because knowledge is power. Under the umbrella of sexual health in terms of the topics that we’re going to cover it could be anything from talking about pleasure, talking about sexuality to talking about gender stereotypes. 

Another component isn’t just in terms of children and their safety and sexuality. All of this really starts with you as a parent, or as the caring adult or adult family member. We need to take care of ourselves, we need to ensure that we are sexually healthy. So we’re going to have a lot of episodes that start there and focus on the adult and the parent, we hope that through all of this we bring content that really speaks to your experiences and opens your mind and perspectives. 

That is the gist of what SPF Podcast is seeking to do. So again folx that may be new to this, here are some ways some of you may already be plugged in. We have a website sexpositivefamilies.com we have all kinds of resources there that we create and also that we curate. We try to keep an updated resource list, we have pretty lengthy reading list because books are definitely a path way to sharing knowledge and having those conversations with children and even in growing in our own sexual health, so we have a great list of sex-positive reads that’s always available. We try to keep that updated, so check out our website at sexpositivefamilies.com.

Through the website you can connect with our different social media platforms we’re on Instagram, we have a Facebook page, we are on Twitter, and we are on YouTube with all of our videos.We do a lot of video content. We also have a Facebook Group, right now it’s a little over 400 families and caring adults on a daily basis who are chatting about all kinds of different sexual health topics. It’s a great place if you are someone who is looking for a community of like-minded folx or if you’re just interested in getting to know more about what this is all about. I would highly recommend that you join the Facebook group. It’s Sex Positive Families and they’re having a lot of courageous conversations every day. *Please note that the above mentioned group is no longer active, you can find the new group here.

Also you’ll want to sign up for our email list through our website we have a free downloadable tool called “Preparing for the Sex Talks” so for any of you all who are kind of waiting or a little bit hesitant to have some sexual health talks with a child in your life, this tool will really help you think through and create an action plan so that you can feel confident and prepared to approach any sexual health topic with your child. We also have an online store so you can get some sex positive swag and I will have links to all of these different platforms in the show notes and again you can check out our website and get connected with all of them as well. 

Before we go I definitely have to give gratitude and shout out some folx who have been really influential in the last six months in bringing SPF to where it’s at today and where it’s going. First and foremost my partner, Ryan. I could not do so much of this without him, he is such a support and such a loving, strong, caretaker and role model to our children and just a really strong life partner. Thank you so much Ryan, for all of your support and in helping me build what SPF is today. 

I have to definitely shout out our children. Our children are amazing, they are so supportive! You may have seen some videos with my 18 year old and with my eight year old so they are very actively involved. They do know what Sex Positive Families is and what it’s mission is and every day there are new ways that they show their levels of support for this mission. So thank you so much to our children. 

Also I have walked this journey alongside 2 folx who also are building businesses and being brave and being bold. We have weekly calls because you got to have those accountability partners, those folx that are in it at the same level as you are and understand passion and purpose. So Christie and Rosela, thank you so much for your partnership and for your camaraderie in this journey. We are continuing to do great and bold things and I wouldn’t want to do it alongside anyone else. 

Two folx who have also been here since day one, have been strong collaborators and also great friends, great supporters in my real life, La’Toya and Aubrey. Thank you both so much! Some of you may have seen them, if you’re definitely a part of the Facebook group. I’ve done some videos with them. They’re also sex educators working in the field and this won’t be the last time you see them or hear from them. 

I’ve also had a lot of coaches that I’ve consulted with along the way because as any entrepreneur out their knows, there’s a lot that you have to do to build a business and to get clear about your message and your vision and your purpose. So I just want to shout out Kristin, Cameron, Kim, Carrie, Cynthia, Ben and Terry. You all have been so 

purposeful, I feel the universe brought you all here at different points in this journey and I’m so grateful for all of you. I’ve learned so much. Your support has not been forgotten. 

I also want to give a special shout-out to the members of our Facebook group. Many of you have been around since the beginning and have watched things grow and have taken on some real courageous conversations. I’ve gotten vulnerable in the group and I appreciate your trust and your willingness to learn and to teach within that space, so big shout-out to our many Facebook group members. 

That’s about it! That’s it for this first episode. I hope that will fill in some gaps and really gets you excited for what is to come. We’re going to be covering a lot in 2018, so let’s shake the shame and trash the taboos together. Thank you so much for joining our family. Let’s do this! 

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